A Love Letter to MM (first 3 chapters)

A Love Letter to MM

1) Introduction

This book is about a love letter I wrote to the girl of my dreams. I am a romantic guy.

 I am dreamer, a legendary dreamer. So it makes a lot of sense that the girl of my dreams would inspire me to write a love letter.

And, if you get to know the context of this letter of course it would make this letter even more beautiful. I never wrote a romance before but I’ve been always writing poetry:  romantic poetry, erotic poetry, folklore poetry, regional poetry and even gaming poetry.  That was until the first girlfriend I ever had, broke my heart . Twice. And then the romantic poet became just a normal guy that would find girlfriends just for not being alone instead of trying to have a romance. I even found girlfriends just to try to forget the first one I had or even just to use her body for a couple of weeks. I’m not proud of that but if my feelings were dead and the women I met never actually had patience to at least try to restore them, well… It was their fault. As I said, I’m not proud of it but that is the way it is. I just want to know that because, when I remembered MM, the girl which was my childhood friend. And went to high school in the same class. And unlike it happens in the USA, here in Brazil you study with the same people the whole year and changes are you keep in the same class for the years to come. So, just imagine like the same girl, not being able to talk to her for the lack of courage and also by the fact that other girls were constantly trying to talk to me and distracting for what I want. It came to a point where I just gave up of her because I taught she was too pretty for me and I, being the sore loser I am, I would have to accept an uglier girl and be happy with that.

 Or at least a girl with low self-esteem.  That was what I did and it was a big mistake. It was twice a big mistake. Years have passed, I went into a depression, went out with girls just for trying to forget that first girlfriend. Found some other girlfriends but for doing the same thing. I went out with girls just for having sex because I was tired of being a romantic guy since it just destroyed my feelings.

It all became a pointless loop. And empty relationships with girls with no love, no friendship and sometimes not even sex didn’t help me either.  To have a girlfriend just for having one was never my intention.  I was the kind of guy that wanted to have a girlfriend as a teenager and grow to her side until becoming and adult and build a life with her. That never happened.  And will never happen since all girls that went to school with are all married now or have boyfriends or I just simply lost contact. Too bad for me, I aimed in the wrong girl and kept aiming in the wrong ones until now. So I paid the price of being a guy without love in my heart. Of losing my romantic feelings simply because no other girl wanted to be my friend first for them becoming a girlfriend. No romance… No childhood female friends… And it came to the point that not even a girl to talk or listen to her voice I had. I was always trying to get to talk with MM which was the girl I fell in love in middle school and went to high school with her. But, she was never a girl to go on social media and talk so contact with her was difficult. And worse than that, she lived just two blocks away from me. And I never saw her again since high school until just one day she was working on an Ice Cream and Milkshake shop and I saw her smile again. She had and alliance on her finger so it means she already had a boyfriend at that time so I should give up her.  That was around 2013 or something and today in 2017 when I went to that same Ice Cream Shop I didn’t saw her but all of a sudden all the memories I had from her came back in a very strong way. A very strong feeling filled my heart and I was in love again, but in a way I never felt in my whole life. I was romantic again. So that’s why I wrote a love letter. A love letter to MM.  Do you want to know what happed? Did she read my letter? Did  she fell in love with me? NO! NONE OF THIS HAPPENED! She didn’t read the letter, I was even able to see her in person, she reject me because she already have a boyfriend and even her family told me to stay away from her. I felt so miserable, nothing else was making sense, I was once again unable to talk to her even after almost 10 years without seeing her.

I went to my bed, cried and kept thinking about her, all the girls I met, all my mistakes and right things. Everything I did in my whole romantic life. What went wrong, what went right, why am I stuck in this situation without love and shallow relationships? Why? What do I ever did to deserve this? I was always a good boy, a good son, a good student, a good religious guy. Why can’t I fell love anymore? Is it because my heart takes a lot of time to get used to a girl? Is it because women these days are jerks that are desperate to get married as fast as possible?

All the answers to these questions is what I’m trying to seek now.  So I’ll share the partial results with you reader.  This is not a self-biography because I really don’t want to talk about my academic life, my gaming life, my professional life and even worse, I don’t want to talk about my family because they are always criticizing me no matter what I do. This is not a fiction romance because all these fictional romance are totally fake. I want to present you, my reader, a real love story. This is a real life romance which is my real life romance.  All the good experiences I had and all the good experience I wanted to have.  The love letter was just the initial point to start all this. Right now, as I am writing about my pathetic romantic life and how women fail in help me fix it, all I want is to be the opposite or romantic. I want to get to a girl, ask her if she would lend me her body gently just for me to hug her for a while and then go away to never see her again. Or ask her if it would be ok to have sex with her, but in a way that I don’t look in her eyes or have much contact with her, just to turn her around, take her panties slowly off and have fun for some minutes. Do you want to know why is that? Because my heart aches a lot! A really lot! It is like someone is squeezing it! And that is not fair! But I know that would not help anyone with that. I really want to help people with this love letter I wrote because, even though I was rejected and I don’t have a single chance of just being part of the life of a once dear childhood friend, I felt love once more. And sometimes I don’t need to think about her to be in peace with my love life. Sometimes just I remembering how to be romantic helps me to be happy. To listen to romantic music like Every Breath You Take, Time After Time, More Than Words, Shine, Se Fue and all this good romantic music. To be able to stare at the sunset and remember all the good girls I met.  I don’t need MM in my life, even though it would be good, but I need to feel the same love I felt for her with another girl.

I won’t accept a lower lover than that. No matter how long it takes, or how long I have to wait or how hard the loneness hit me, I will not accept a less strong love than that. Even though  I wake up in the morning with my heart aching a lot or with a strong erection for no reason, I want to keep felling romantic until I find and fell a greater love than MM. But for that, woman needs to learn to be patient, to be friends before lovers.  Girls here in Brazil don’t have patience anymore.  I don’t know how it works in your country but… It does not matter.

Once you have read all that, I know I can talk about more my feelings with you.  Talk about the girls I met, how I interacted with each of them, how I would like to interact with them (because there were a lot of stuff I wish I could tell them that I never did). And even how would be the perfect way to ask sex to a girl I think she is smart or pretty. Or just my friend because, why not have sex with a friend? If she is felling alone and is curious about how my body feels like so… Why not?

Well, with that said let’s go to the first chapter: Rachel

Chapter 1- Rachel

Well, Rachel was not the first girl I met or I loved but it is the first girl I want to talk about here.  I met her in a math test. But not a normal math test, and extra one that was outside the normal school tests. It was like and academic marathon about math. I met her there because she as asking me about directions or something. She was blond with green eyes and used skirt because it was about her religion to make woman use skirts all the time.  I love preference is for black hair girls with brown eyes because, I am a black hair man with brown eyes.  When I was teenager I thought that it was just justice. I had and still have a very strong just felling so liking black hair girls of course would be part of my justice sense. But, my biology teacher told me that felling was just self-esteem because people that like their own body like people with similar bodies. That include skin color, hair color, eye color, height , weight, mood and lifestyle.

Rachel was not the same body type as mine but sure was the same height time of intellect. She was a smart girl that also speaks English just like me. Since I’m Brazilian if you speak English here you can be considerate smart.  So I enjoyed talking to Rachel because of that. She was a smart girl, she liked to talk to me and that’s it. I didn’t have any desire to grab her in my arms or anything like that. I just enjoyed her company and that’s it. Also, she was always there to talk to me. I had other girls to kiss, or to be in love with. The girl to kiss was my first girlfriend which was Jessica.  The girl which was a totally mistake in my life and up to this day no other girl was able to fix it.  And the girl to be in love with… To admire at a certain distance…. It was MM.  And thanks to Rachel and Jessica I was never able to tell her that at the time. And today it is impossible to do so.  Well my readers you may think: “but it’s all you fault not being true to yourself”. And it sure was. I should never have accepted that I was not good enough to MM and to go on a date with Jessica. Jessica was such a terrible mistake that she betrayed me twice, she was older than me so she went to collage first and humiliated me telling me that she was in college and I still in high school and on top of that found another boyfriend in college leaving me with my heart broken. And since thanks to her I was forced to not talk to Rachel because… Well, I don’t know.  I don’t remember exactly but she once told me “if you have a girlfriend you should not keep talking to me as often”.

That was a huge mistake since Jessica was not much of a friend to me and not even a love. But Rachel was the best female friend I ever had. And that my friend is better than any other romantic history ever. No one would ever know what I know and fell what I fell, but I really missed Rachel in a very unique way. I wish I could talk to her until today. But she married and thanks to that she does not have a Facebook.  I’ve added her a few years ago, talked a bit with her but she had I fan page on Facebook about her business which at the time was college and university transportation. Today I don’t know what she’s doing now. And her Fanpage is down.  Also she is married now, it would not be the same to be her friend anymore. But I really want a friend like her again. Maybe today I would turn her in not just a friend but maybe a sex friend. Or a secret lover. I don’t know.  But all I need is a good female friend to talk once in a while. I need another Rachel in my life.

Chapter 2 - Jessica

Jessica was the first girlfriend I had. I met her in the school’s library since she was a very study hard girl. She had some sort of depression or low self-esteem or her family was very restrict. It was easier for me to approach her since she was always alone in the library unlike MM that had over nine thousand friends around her. Or at least  2 at the time. After 3 years of talking I finally got on a date with her and asked her to be my girlfriend. She took almost a whole month to answer me but she said yes. I went to meet her family, it was a more in house woo. Of course a couple of times before we finally getting to be a couple I went on secret dates with her in a very romantic place here in town. It was a very romantic place with a sort of little forest with some benches…  It was a very desert place, it is a perfect spot for dating. I wish I could share a picture of it with your but my cellphone is rather broken and I unable to find a photo online. Well, that just my luck, he he he he.

But at desert place, with a pretty and sad girl using a very attractive perfume… Man I was happy to have her as my girlfriend. Until she moved to another city, met another guy and forget about me in less than two weeks. I should know her kisses and hugs were even more distant and that she was unstable on her personality. But I just notice this today after clearing my thoughts and my hormones because at the time, even though she did it to me she went back to me and we tried again and guess what, when she went to collage she did it again! This time she dated a guy she met on her class. Since she was older than me she went to college first and constantly humiliated me because she was able to go the best college in the region and I was still on high school. She broke my feelings again, I went into depression and thanks to her I lost contact with Rachel, MM and other girls that I liked before her. That went for a long time until my first year in college where I was more focused in studying and going to the Pokémon league that I just discovered. I am a gamer guy and I love to play video games and card games and that kind of help me to snap out of depression and stop thinking about Jessica.

Also other girls I met help me forget her. Or not because after Jessica a very ugly girl which I won’t name was in the mood of going out with me and since she was friends with my cousin and I was thinking all the time about Jessica I accept. She was a nice distraction. I have no shame on saying that because she knew all about Jessica. Thanks for the help!

After that I got another girlfriend which as prettier than the previous one but not as pretty as Jessica. She was shorter and chubbier but nice girl. Her only problem is that she was often mad and angry with stuff and that she lived in another city. It didn’t last long but it helped a little to forget Jessica, just a little. After that I tried to find Rachel and MM but with no luck. Later I found out that Rachel as dating but at least I was able to talk to her at least once. Broken hearted and with no other girl that would help me forget Jessica (or have the patience to keep talking to me for 3 years the same way I was with Jessica) I went all over the place. I went out with older woman for quick kisses and even sex. I was not caring anymore. No poetry, no romance, just go out and have fun. I was not proud of that but what else would I do.

After a long time one of the girls I went out wanted to be my girlfriend so bad that she even found my house and stated to cry at the door wanting to be my girlfriend. She was Katherine. I’ll save Katherine for later since she was another HUGE mistake. But at least I was able to have sex with unlike Jessica which I not even was able to do anything and she left me to marry another guy in less than one year. She married, had a daughter and she separated. I just know these last two things because she added me on Tinder and start talking to me. I didn’t know it was her at first but later… Well, she told me that her life married was a hell that she was humiliated by her husband family and it was a huge mistake to have left me. Also  she told me that her daughter don’t like her very much. And she have also a lesbian girlfriend that she hides from her family but she really wanted to go out with me.  I must say that I fell avenged. Thanks universe! Good guys always win! Well, sort of because I was unable to go out with her anyway and also after all that she did to me I didn’t want it either. I could at least wish to have sex with her, in a very no passionate way. You know, just to spread her butt and make out a little and cum insider her just because I don’t care much about her. Or cum in her face like she was one of those porn stars. No love. No romance, just treat her like the bitch she was in my life. And guess what: not even that I was able to do.  Today she has a complicated lesbian relationship always fighting and breaking and coming together.  It suits her. And what did I earn with all this? That’s right: nothing!  And this is the story of my first girlfriend. A total waste of time that took me away from Rachel and MM. She got me to depression, she played with my feelings, the universe made justice for me but still didn’t give me a loving girlfriend.

Jessica was my first girlfriend, thanks to her I gave up Rachel and MM.  She was the best choice I made because I taught she was just like me but actually she was totally different.  She was my friend, my confidant, my girlfriend and my Snow White.  I love black hair girls with white skin brown eyes and red lips. Why? Because I fit on that description too.  I’m around  185m with black hair, brown eyes, white skin and my lips are… Well, they are not red but they are normal. So Snow White girls are the best for me, it makes me feel happy by having them around me, it makes me feel with a lot of sexual desire and fulfilled as a man. Unfortunately the only Snow White girl I had was Jessica. The other ones didn’t fit this exactly description. I think my third girlfriend almost came close to that but her hair was not black but dark blond and her eyes were green. Her name was Ana and I dated her for just 3 months or so. It is not the same Ana from Chapter 4.

Now, back to Jessica, she was my friend, my girlfriend, my princess, my desire, the girl I wanted to me mother of my children, my Snow White. I used to carry her on my arms when she was tired of going up the stairs, I used to hug her a log, so much that since my arm was around her waistline I got the exact measure from her waist in my forearm which was from the joint of my elbow until three fingers from the beginning of my hand. It’s been almost ten years I hugged her to know measure that but I still remember this detail. Since I was always hugging her and holding her hand that her perfume was always in my skin. So much that, when I fell in love again for MM I could swear the same perfume was on my skin again. Would that psychological? Or just the smell of love hormones? I don’t know.

I also remember the texture of her cheek and the way she kissed me with her tongue. Well, since I kissed Rachel on the cheek a lot before dating Jessica I knew exactly her the texture of their respective cheeks were. Rachel had a peach like cheek. You know with those soft and small hairs, but Jessica had a hairless cheek but it was so soft that looked like cotton candy melting or a marshmallow or the Brazilian equivalent to marshmallow which is Maria Mole.

The level of details a man in love gets from his beloved woman is so intense that I don’t know how I should keep describing, I just don’t know. Her sad and tired eyes was amazing to me. Very similar to MM’s sad eyes, and since I liked MM’s I think that is why I liked Jessica a tad bit faster than normal. In fact I met Jessica on the 6th grade when I was 12. I kept talking to her until 15 when I finally got to be her boyfriend. 3 years talking with the same girl with the same admiration. No wonder I fell in love with her so hard, but so hard that I got all this details from her. Of course in the mean time I met lots of girls, I kissed some few, I kept admiring MM in secret and best of all I had Rachel! Rachel was the best because she was my friend. A very smart female friend with an open mind and she was an open bridge to female’s mind. She was the only girl I met that had a very good English conversation and that the only one that answered me this question: “Does it make sense to you a person be happy being sad?”. All other girls I made this question, including Jessica didn’t know how to answer that or answered no. But not Rachel! She told me that to be happy being sad made total sense to her and she was like that sometimes, just as I am.  So even though Rachel was not my girlfriend, my confidant, my Snow White, I never kissed her in the lips, I never carried her in arms, I never hold her hand. But she is still more vivid in my memory than Jessica. Sometimes even more than MM that is just the Snow White I wished so much.

Jessica, you will never probably read this book but you know well that I was the best boyfriend you ever had, you told me that a lot of times after you added me on Tinder last year. You have a very pretty girlfriend today, prettier than any girl I had after you. And even though I still remember all these love details about you like the texture of your cheek, the size of your waistline and how easy was to carry you in my arms. I still remember all that and even so I don’t want to anymore unless, as I told you before, unless it was to turn you in my sex slave (a once in a while sex slave that is, not a permanent one).

Well, dear reader all I want you to know is that: the more time you spend with a person BEFORE trying to kiss that person or hold her hand, the more chances you have of falling in love. That is common knowledge by now but the kind of falling in love with all the details and romantic potential one man can share to a woman is not.  The full romantic potential was unlocked in my heart in about 3 years talking to the same girl. And when I said talking I really mean just talking. This full romantic potential of course vary from men to men.  Keep in mind that even that Jessica was the Snow White I always wanted I really wanted to talk a lot with her before jumping in a relationship.  That is why I was able to unlock the full potential or romance in my heart. The Snow White girl plus years of friend is equal to the perfect love story. It was perfect for me but not for Jessica as she betrayed me with the first guy she met on another school and then again in college. That is why today I can only think of her as a sex slave and not the Snow White of my dreams.  Every man has the type of woman he desires, even if he does not know yet and it takes some time to realize what kind of woman makes you happy. I realize that I love Snow White girls, but some guys love Cinderella girls, or maybe even sleeping Beauty Girls and by that I mean Blond girls, Red Hair Girls, Sexy Girls, Shy girls. A real man is not afraid of telling other woman what kind of girl he likes, even if it is to a pretty woman that wants to be his girlfriend. That’s what I did with my last girlfriend: Katherine.  I didn’t want to date her, just to go out one in a while because she was not the Snow White I was looking for. I told it to her a million of times but she didn’t care. The result was an empty relationship with just sexual desire and nothing else and almost end up in violence by her part. She wanted to kill me when I broke up with her even though we were going and coming back all the time. Breaking and tied up all the time when I finally got tired and said I didn’t want her anymore. I’ll tell more about her in the next chapter.

If you are a woman reading this and want an advice from this romantic man, please make sure to talk a lot with the man/boy you want to seduce. Ask all the information possible about the kind of woman he wants. See if you meet its expectations. I did that with Jessica and some other girls I met, it didn’t work but I was 100% honest and I had no shame in using some of her as a distraction or a healing potion for my heart. Most of them understood well the situation and when I decided to break with them. Not Katherine… And I beg you: don’t be a Katherine! If you agree with something don’t have magical expectation that something will change out of nowhere. It is possible to happen but it probably won’t.  If you agree to cure a man’s heart don’t be mad with him when he start to feel guilty for this agreement as I said it is possible for him to love you back but it is hard to happen.  I personally would never be offended if a girl like Rachel, for example, wanted to use me or my body just to heal herself. That is, if she would talk to me and asks me if I agree first. I would agree because she was my friend and I wanted to see her well.  I would never agree with that for a girl like Jessica or Katherine, but for a nice friend as Rachel, even if she is not a snow white girl. She is my friend and she deserves to be helped. You woman should think like that too because true love means to see the other person well and not possessing that person to you. Be more like Rachel and less like Jessica and Katherine. I’m broken heart thanks to be reject by MM. I don’t want a sex slave of a lover to make me fell confortable but it sure would help me now. It would help me just holding the hand of a pretty girl and putting on top of my heart. It would also help to have a less pretty girl drinking my cum and saying I’m handsome. Since you know how it works for me I guess you could understand other men too, I guess.  It is more about to recognize you are pretty enough for that person or not. I was never handsome enough for MM, but I taught I was for Jessica. That kind of logic may not make much sense if you “believe that interior beauty is more important”.  Interior beauty sure is important but that is not all. That is not 100%, that will not satisfy a man in the bed.  

Someday, I wish I could meet a Snow White girl like Jessica that can be my friend just like Rachel and also I can be able to admire just like MM. Until there, I just want to listen to romantic music and imagine romantic and romantic sex situations while hugging myself or a pillow nearby.

I just hope it does not takes that much long…

Chapter 3- Katherine

Katherine was my last girlfriend. I met her when I was teaching English to her on a local English school. She liked me the first time she saw me, asking my name and asking me to add me o Facebook. She didn’t even know how to pretend she was not interest in my so I went out with her once I got fired from the English classes because I was unable to teach on Saturdays thanks to college. We kissed sometimes but I didn’t want any romantic feelings with her because I didn’t found her pretty. Oh well.  She found me the smartest guy on earth just because I knew how to speak English and her name with the correct American accent (since nobody else does).

Well, after almost one year going out with her once in a while because I was unable or too lazy to go with another girl she find where I lived and demanded to be her boyfriend.  Well, I just had to agree because I felt guilty. She at first played the nice religious girl but soon revealed her true identity being a very naughty girl sex addicted. I was feeling bad for not liking her too much and banging her all the time.  But she knew it and she liked it a lot. She was always at my house always at my room and always hugging me and touching me.  My conscience was always accusing me, but at the same time it was a good opportunity to get to know a woman’s body more.  At first I only had sex with her by butt because I wanted her to keep virgin so my conscience would be a little more in peace.  But she was constantly wanting to lose virginity with me.  So much that even after we broke (we used to break and come back all the time) she came to my house just with the intuition of getting her virginity off. God damn it. She was so… How would I say… She was just not wanting to leave and with a very soft and happy attitude for getting bang that I had to do it. It stained all my bad with blood but ok. There, I hope she was happy.  We came got back our relationship just for banging more. Notice I’m using foul language because she deserves it. She just got to be my girlfriend by blacking mailing me so…

But at least she enjoyed my body, no other woman I met really enjoyed me that much. She enjoyed  drinking my cum, she really wanted me to bang her from all possible positions and whenever I wanted to suck her tits it was very easy with no complications. Well, but I must say that even she was good at that point the other stuff she was just terrible. She was super jealous, so much that she even was jealous out of her own aunt. I am not kidding, she was jealous out of her own aunt. One day we went on a marriage party and her aunt drank a bit much. Katherine too but since I hate alcohol I never drink. I really hate alcohol because it was just bad for my grandfather and my father that it is something I want totally out of my body. 

So her drunk aunt went to her card and slept in there for a while and used my jacket as a blanket. And since her perfume got in the jacket she told me: “it is smelling like woman’s perfume but if you wash it, it’ll get away easy.” I was ok with that but Katherine… She got very made with her aunt.  She was so mad that she kept days without talking to her.  Also  all girls that went talk to me Katherine had a way to be mad with me and fighting with them.  Even a chocolate salesgirl! Man, that girl just wanted to sell chocolate and it wasn’t even for me it was to all people at that place. But Katherine was mad all the time. One day we were walking in the street with and a couple on the other side of the street started kissing each other and she was jealous of that girl because she was kissing her boyfriend on the other side of the street.  She was mad at me because a couple was kissing each other on the other side of the street. Can you imagine how insane her jealousy was getting? But the last straw was when she got mad at me when I was talking to a friend of mine (a dude friend) about card games and she was so made that she left and went else were.

After some time, I was in my house, I took a shower and I was ready to eat a nice and warm chicken soup because it was a very cold night. I was there cozy in my house and… Guess what: Katherine called me to go take her because she was not able to find her house on her own. I didn’t understand at first but then find that she was drunk. Actually so drunk that she was falling. I had to carry her and scold her in my arms because I don’t have a car not even driver’s license and according to local society I am a loser thanks to that.  Third world countries just don’t make any sense sometimes. Well, imagine how shameful was for me to never ever have drink a beer can and have to carry a drunk girlfriend home because she was unstable emotionally.  When I finally said I didn’t want her anymore she got so mad at me and want to hit me and made death threats to me and wanted to destroy my stuff. She tried to destroy my Nintendo 3Ds but I was able to save it. But my poor photo camera didn’t have a chance.  Today I’ m really glad I got rid of her, even though she was a nice sex partner and even sex slave I don’t miss her. But I really wish I could find another girl that would be happy in making a blowjob for me and drinking my cum just because she thinks I’m handsome and not because she is a slut and do it to every single man.  Please, if you ever meet me and think I’m handsome I’ll only truly believe that you like me if you drink all my cum and hug me because you like me and not because you are a slut.

Chapter 4- Ana

By now you maybe is thinking: “for what you did with Katherine you are a sex driven man now, and not romantic anymore” . Well, I started to believe that until I fell in love with MM again. But before the love I had for MM to get strong there was another girl before that. Actually 2 girls and they were both called Ana. Well to be short one was a nice friend I wanted to date because she was nerd and anime fan just like me. Katherine constantly humiliated me all the time for liking anime and games. So I taught I had to get a girlfriend that actually likes anime and games too so the first Ana was this one. I’ll call her Ana 1. Ana 1 was a nice friend and talked a lot for some time but just so you can understand one day I said I wanted to kiss her and she got nervous and a little mad with me. When I went to kiss her in the cheek she dodged like there was no tomorrow.  She kept being my friend but she said that, that act traumatized her. I don’t know why a kiss in the cheek would traumatize a girl but… Well, I discovered that she never had a boyfriend while teenager and never kissed a boy so even after her adult life she was still nervous about it. Too bad for her, she missed a chance to be kissed for the most romantic poet in town, because unlike Katherine I really wanted to be romantic with her and never ever get into sex things because I wanted her to be my friend at gaming and anime stuff as well my girlfriend. Too bad, she is traumatize thanks to a missed kiss on the cheek and if she keeps that way she’s gonna be 30 years without ever kissed a man. So sad for her, but she is still my friend and we talk all sometimes, but she is not a Rachel. Rachel was open to talk about anything, even sex in a very respectful way and intelligent way. But Ana gets traumatized even with a kiss on the cheek.  Well, enough of Ana 1 and let’s go to Ana 2. Ana 2 was another girl named Ana that I met on POF and asked her out. She was always finding a boy to go out on a date, before me she was going on a date with some other guy but I think she found me more handsome so she decided to go out with me more. I don’t know for sure.

Ana 2 was a girl that I met on POF and that app is great but there’s never a girl that actually wants to talk, pretty much like Tinder but worse.  Well, I went out with Ana 2 with no intentions and she immediately fell in love with me.  I could say I liked her or not. She was not that much pretty, and was short and chubby. Totally the opposite of me, but she was a nice gamer girl. She was going out with some other guy and then out of nowhere went out with me once and on the second time kind of fell in love with me.  She really was in love in love with and I could tell because she was very happy to talk to me, she said “I liked you now you are my little friend now”.  She took me in her car, and night, in a desert place and kissed me hard as she was having an orgasm. So it was pretty obvious she was in love with me. That happed on the second time we went out and I had 0 intentions with her, just to talk. Probably because she was not the Snow White girl I wanted. She kept asking me out and I never refused, and her kisses and hugs got so hot that she often was feeling guilty for that since she belonged to a church organization and was supposed to an example and not a slut in her own words. Our encounters got even hotter because she was often taking me to desert places on her car to have fun with me and I never asked her to do so. I just wanted a friend to talk. She even putted my hand on her panties and was often doing the same in my pants even when I didn’t even was thinking about it. But she was always being guilty after that because of her religious believes. I was feeling bad for that but she than told me she had to stop it and she found a new boyfriend for her that belongs to the same church. I was happy for her. And even to this day when she meets me on the street and gives me that sad look, it kind of makes me feel bad but at the same time also makes me feel not guilty because I was 100% honest with her all the time. She eluded herself and she wanted to express her sexuality with a man she found handsome and I don’t think it is a bad thing and I think she shouldn’t too. Well, I never talked to her ever since but until now she was the last girl I kissed and it was last year or two years ago from now. I don’t know, I just know I’m writing this in September 2017. To be precise, September 25th, 2017 14:32PM Brazil time.

It’s being a long time I kissed a girl, I hold a girls hand and an ever longer time I had sex with a girl. Instead of being and or desperate I am in love with myself and my own romantic feelings. It is all thanks to MM that restored my romantic action which girls like Jessica and Katherine broke.  These 2 Ana also didn’t help much either but these two I can forgive specially you are an inexperienced girl and if you a very religious girl with a strong conflict with yourself.

That is why I’m writing this book, to express better my romantic feelings and try to help the read with advices or even just to entertain you. If you are a woman that is so romantic as I am, please know that these words I’m writing are 100%. They are my love experience and it is so much better than those fake romances you read out there because I am a real person. I exist, I live and breathe the same way you do.  Sure I live in South America and I’m poor and ugly but hey, at least I know to speak a second language and I have a post-graduation degree.  And I already wrote a book about Java programming. My full name is Helder Henrique do Nascimento Peres and if you type it on Google you could find my Facebook, my personal Youtube Channel, my Sonic the Hedgehog Youtube Channel, my poetry blog and much more.

I’m more romantic than most friends I know and I’m sure I’m more romantic than most of these fake romance heroes, especially if you take the time with me to fully unlock my romantic potential. With Jessica it took 3 years even her being my Snow White. A person that acts romantic at just the first encounter, in my personal opinion is being sincere from the bottom of his heart. I know that because even heartbroken for years, thanks to Jessica, I thread most women I knew with respect in a romantic and carrying way. Was I being truly romantic with them? Of course not, I was just being or at least trying to be polite and to have superficial romantic actions, just to not to forget how it was like to be a romantic man. 

The full potential of romance could only happen with time. A lot of time and it would be 100% if you were a Snow White girl. If you are a smart woman you probably already knew that true romance comes with time, but I bet no other man told you about the girl of his dreams. Nobody wants to say “hey if you were blond you could make me fell more sexual attraction to you and that would make me more romantic”. Or even “if you could spend some time with me, doing nothing, I could fell in love to you once I got to know you better”. But you women, or at least women here in Brazil that I met wants to fall in love just at the second date. That does not happen. Not with me and not even if you the Snow White girl of my dreams. To fall in love, with all the possible romantic details and actually carrying to the well-being of that person so much that you even measure her waistline with your forearm every day and pay attention to the texture of her cheek everyday… Ah, my friend to reach that level takes some time and it just happen with the right woman. Otherwise just forget it and don’t elude yourself and please, don’t be a Katherine.

But you might be asking: “Helder, if I’m not black haired that means I can never reach your heart?”.   Well, to that question my answer is… I don’t know. Probably not since it never happen with Rachel and oh boy, Rachel was quite a girl. Rachel has a special place in my heart. She never unlocked a sexual desire for her not even a strong romantic feeling whether it was by the lack of time or the fact that she was blond with green eyes which is different from the Snow White girl I desired I don’t know.  I will never know since she is married today and I never saw her again.  Is it possible for a blond girl to take over the heart of a man that LOVES black hair girls? The answer is probably no, but she blond girl can come very, very close. And maybe with time, even get the spot of the black hair girl. And to put this theory I had to the test, that’s why I took notes of A and P. There were female friend I had, that both are married today and very happy with their respective families so I will not give much details about them so I don’t “stain” their reputation. With that said let’s go to the next chapter.